27 Aug How to defeat negative thoughts even in the darkest of times
It doesn’t matter where your life began or how you got to where you are now – the point is that you are valued and you are more than good enough in this world. That’s the message we’re going to explore in this blog, as we look at the question of how to defeat negative thoughts even in the darkest of times. It’s an important topic and one that is relevant to teenagers, young adults and older people too.
To help us, we’re going to share the story of Darren, who found out he was adopted when he was five years old.
Self-doubt and despair
I woke up one Sunday afternoon with my wife sitting at the side of the bed, looking very hurt and upset. The reason being was that I was lying in a hospital and three days before, I had tried to end my life.
I can never really put my finger on what led me to this point. I had a brilliant upbringing. I had friends that I used to go out and play with and I had a loving family – but for some reason from as early as I can remember, I had that feeling of not being loved. I thought that nobody wanted me and nobody cared about whether I was here or not.
Every time I wanted to try to do something, there was an inner voice that said: “Darren, what are you doing this for? You know nobody cares about you, nobody’s bothered about what you’ve got to say or what you’ve got to do so just sit down and shut up.”
“What consumes your mind controls your life.” Anonymous
Those negative thoughts continued all the way through childhood. I had no issues at school, I was never bullied, I had my network of friends, I played football.
Still, for some reason the little demon sitting on my shoulder saw it a different way.
Turning a corner
I loved drawing and I went to college after I left school to study graphic design and television. The problem was I was telling myself: “You’re not good enough, you need to take a good look at yourself, nobody’s interested in you.” So, what I started doing on a regular basis was leaving my mum and dad’s house in a morning and not going to college but going and sitting in the park.
In the end, I quit college because I didn’t think it was worth carrying on. Looking back now, it was probably a mistake.
I got a job and eventually made my way to a management role but even then, over those years I still had a little voice in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough.
I finally made the decision that enough was enough and I was going to end it.
“It’s not what you are that holds you back, but what you think you are not.” Denis Waitley
Starting a journey
Waking up on that Sunday in the hospital with my wife at the side of my bed looking at me was my turning point.
It was the first time I ever knew what love meant because right up to that moment I’d spent all my life asking what it was. The other turning point was the realisation that it had on other people – my wife, my mum and dad, my brothers and sisters.
It was the beginning of a long road to where I am now.
“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.” Roy T. Bennett
The first thing I had to do was take a bit of time out and talk to a psychiatrist. Then, I started answering back to my little voice. I started saying: “No, you’re wrong. I can achieve it and I know I’ll achieve what I want to achieve.”
I left my previous employment to start where I am now.
Mixing with businesspeople and senior managers made me notice that no matter what problems they had, every single one of them had a positive mindset. If they lost business, they’d dust themselves down and start again, if they lost a client they’d dust themselves down and start again. That attitude started rubbing off on me.
I was made a Managing Director of my company 11 years ago. We’ve grown the business from five clients and are up to 98 retained clients now and employing seven people.
You’re never alone
I have bad days but it’s rare. There are far more good days. I’ve trained my mindset so that if I do start feeling low, I’ll put myself in a situation so I’ll give somebody a call and have a chat.
The key is to realise that you’re not on your own. There’s always somebody there to listen.
Nothing in life is worth killing yourself for because life has a wonderful way of you achieving what you want to achieve.
Are you worried about negative thoughts or know someone that suffers from this?
If you’re a parent or carer currently worried about a teen trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts with no hope for the future, please do get in touch on 0330 1002821.
Choose the life you want to lead
How do you combat negative thoughts? Do you argue back, just like Darren? Let us know and share your thoughts with our social media community.
Have a truly amazing week and remember to defeat negative thoughts and feed the positivity inside you.