28 Apr How to break feelings of isolation
If you’ve experienced an upsetting event or you’re a victim of bullying, you’ll know that it often creates feelings of isolation and mistrust of others. It can cause you to disconnect from the world. You listen to the negative voice that is only a whisper at first but which then gets louder. It escalates in its negativity with a toxic energy that becomes pervasive and all consuming.
- Do you recognise this pattern in yourself?
- Do you recognise it in other people?
- How do we break these feelings of isolation?
“Take back your power through truth.” Unknown
Break the negative narrative
When you’re going through tough times, you can often create an internal narrative or story as you describe to yourself what happened – or what you think has happened.
You might go over questions that you can’t answer. You desperately try to get your head around the situation. What you make up is often far from the truth and this fuels anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt.
Now, don’t get me wrong – sometimes bad stuff happens in life. It can take you by surprise and then you have the absolute right to feel anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt and sorry for yourself. Those feelings, though, are meant to give you a lesson, to take action and to do things differently.
What I’m talking about is a state of mind. Spiralling thoughts, disconnection and isolation seems the only thing to do to survive. It is the voice that pretends to be your only friend – but that voice is not you. It is not your friend and it is not keeping you safe.
“We are what we believe we are!” C.S. Lewis
Connection is protection
That voice is your enemy, isolating you to keep you from the truth as it whispers lies.
The real truth is this: isolation is destruction, connection is protection. Connection with the outside world is the antidote to self-inflicted isolation and destructive thoughts.
Have you built up a wall? Do you use it for protection against hurt, disappointment and rejection? Maybe you’ve noticed someone else doing this. As you lock yourself away and the thoughts grow in your mind, the walls get thicker and taller.
The problem is this. You are not meant to be an island on this world. Your fortress is actually a prison.
Do you accept the following challenge? Can you open your imagination? If this is you right now or you know someone who is doing this, go and get a periscope. This is a gadget that allows you to look over the wall from your side.
See more clearly
A periscope will let you see what is really happening over the wall. As you look around, you might notice that the people don’t look angry.
What you thought were insults and abuse were messages of love and offers of help.
As the people turn around to see you, they’re excited and smiling. They might say, “We’ve missed you, where have you been?” They might call out to others and say, “Hey, come over and look, they’ve reached out, they want to come and connect with us again, they’re ready for us to help.”
The crowd is getting bigger. Friends, family or people who you trust all say, “We made these banners for you, we didn’t think we’d get to use them.” They hold them up and they say, “We love you, we miss you and welcome back.”
Then you realise that connection is your protection. It is collective connection with the people in the outside world who are there for you even when you can’t see them.
“It’s amazing what you can see when you just sit quietly and look.” Jacqueline Kelly
Reach out to someone and break feelings of isolation
If you have built a barrier or someone you care about is doing the same thing, put up a periscope and reach out. Everybody needs to know that they matter. Be a great friend, be a great mentor, coach, teacher or family member.
Tell somebody around you that you care about them. You have no clue who needs that smile, who needs that hug and who needs to know they’re appreciated.
Kindness costs nothing to give but gives in a way that is priceless. I encourage you today to be kind to yourself and be kind to others. It really will help you to break through the barrier of misbelief that can send us spiralling out of control.
Choose the life you want to lead
Make a change today and live life as you deserve to, which is to be happy. Nobody wants to be lonely so break feelings of isolation by connecting with like-minded people and embracing things that get you excited about life!
If you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts on this topic, please connect with me on social media. If you need to speak to someone in confidence then please send me a private email so we can connect in a 1-2-1 setting.
Until next time, stay positive, stay truthful and be your unique self.