Learn lessons to control anger when life really tests you

Angry young female teenager looking at her phone.

Learn lessons to control anger when life really tests you

Managing strong emotions, particularly anger and aggression, can be difficult for everyone but there is always a lesson to learn.

Last week we covered issues with anger and aggression around gaming. I want to pick up on this again but as anger and aggression at having to stop doing anything that you want to do. The real issue though is managing your emotions.

When talking about the rage and anger that you feel because you are not getting what you need in the world, I am coming from a place of experience. Last week was probably one of the most stressful weeks of my life managing an escalating situation when it could have been resolved easily.

However, someone in an organisation I will not name, was determined I was not going to receive something important that I needed. As a result, we missed a really significant deadline and many people suffered – just because one person felt the need to prove that they were right, even though they weren’t.

It caused me much frustration, I did at one point completely lose it and have a big rant at somebody who didn’t deserve to be ranted at. I did apologise. In fact, I apologised before I started the rant because I felt it coming. I just needed to vent!

What we need to recognise is that in the midst of feeling anger we can all feel angry, when the fuel inside burns bright. In that rage, I felt like it was a blowtorch on full blast, and I just couldn’t help but burn that charge. I realised I was burning the people around me as well and causing destruction that was unnecessary.


“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”


Controlling anger

We all know that feeling – when you get angry and can’t contain it. Then the anger rages like a big blow torch burning everything in your path and creating destruction around you.

In this moment you burn brightly for a limited amount of time, then just fizzle out. The gas is gone, there’s just a pile of ashes on the floor. You try to pick yourself up from knowing that it wasn’t the right thing to do, then look around and see the destruction and pain you caused and feel really bad about it. That’s not good is it?

So, how do you prevent that from happening when you start to feel anger rising? How do you redirect the flame to become productive energy instead of destructive energy?

Young black teenager calming anger down on a walk

Learn to stay in control

These emotions often come from frustration and that can be justified, but there is no defense in losing control. We need to learn our lessons so it doesn’t happen again, or we can deal with it better in the future.

We can complain when we don’t feel as though we are being treated fairly and justly, and we are within our rights to do that. In my situation, even other people in the company I was dealing with have told me to complain. It wasn’t the company, it was just one person, but am I going to complain? I thought about it. And I thought ‘what good is going to come of me complaining?’

Maybe it won’t happen to somebody else. After what’s happened, I don’t think this person will do it to somebody else. I think I was just the vehicle for them to get a lesson. I just got caught up in it. There’s always lessons in these situations. You might not get what you want. But what can you take and use as a blessing? I refuse to be a victim.

I’m choosing right now – not to complain, because I’m not vindictive, I don’t want revenge, I don’t need revenge. I believe everything happens for a positive reason. And that person will learn what they need to learn as well.

I don’t need to go back into the pain of last week and relive every moment as I make a complaint. That’s not who I am. I’m not a victim, I get the lesson of getting a blessing from this and being able to know I’m bigger than that. I can walk away.

Can you walk away? When you feel injustice, that you have to come off your game, or that somebody is treating you badly at school or home or with your friends. You do not have to be the victim, instead choose to be the powerful one by walking away and leaving it behind you. The past can only control you if you keep going back and living there.

Choose resilience and move forward from the negativity of a frustrating situation.

We still have choice and can make the choice to be the best person we can and take lessons from frustration.


“Angry people want you to see how powerful they are… loving people want you to see how powerful You are.”
Chief Red Eagle



Learning how to redirect and control anger

How can you direct that energy? Is it a bright spark that you just need to tame and redirect?

You might be feeling down, a bit sorry for yourself when events happen that anger us. Consider how to reclaim that energy and recharge yourself.

I went out for a walk into nature, saw the spring flowers in the garden. My favourite season is spring. The beautiful energy of nature started to soothe my soul and allow me to feel better and start to feel grateful and change my focus.

As I was walking and breathing in the fresh air, instead of breathing in the stale air of emotion, it started to allow me to be more positive and feel more alive. I made something good to eat, put some music on really loud and sang my head off, and did a workout. It was good to use the energy and get the adrenaline out of my system.

It worked to get that good energy back into my body. By the next day, I was full up again of good stuff and ready to move forward. I found my flow again. If I can do it, you can do it.


“Do not let your anger lead to hatred, as you will hurt yourself more than you would the other.”
Stephen Richards


Lessons to control anger

The key is to learn how to redirect the flow of energy once you feel a rage starting. Make it a force for good instead. How can you get that energy out in a way that is good for you?

  • Play music and dance
  • Exercise
  • Go for a walk
  • Play football in the park
  • Have a chat with your mates and get them to make you laugh
  • Watch a film

Choose a film that will make you laugh and help to get rid of the tension. Spend a leisurely day doing what you want. We need to do what feels good to let us start a new chapter and move forwards and enjoy the people around us and enjoy getting the positive outcomes we want.

Delays are not always denials. Sometimes things we thought were going to happen leave us disappointed. That doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen. We will set new goals – and reach them, which is always worth celebrating.


Choose the life you want to lead

Raw emotion is something you will feel at one time or another. If you can make a choice to nip it in the bud, don’t give it the power to take over, have the grace to walk away. Do that and let it go.

It feels so much better to have that power. Stand back and observe what’s going on and make a choice that is better for you. At times you need to step away and try to stop the momentum of anger building up and start afresh the next day, learning lessons on the way. Find out how other members of the Back on Track Teens community have learned to work through their emotions and share your tips.

Where there is frustration use your lessons to control anger to find calm, peace and power in your world instead.

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